Sleep
I had to put my daughter to sleep tonight.
Like, actually put her to sleep as in help her to fall asleep. Zilla is usually very good about going to bed and nearly always falls asleep immediately and emphatically. Even better, she stays emphatically asleep for ten hours nearly every night.
Not tonight.
She had a busy weekend – we all did. She was tired – we all are. She was her usual willing self when it was time to get to bed and she proceeded to get ready for bed in the usual manner. She was settled, tucked, kissed…
But she did not fall asleep.
For more than an hour after her bedroom light was turned off, we heard her moving around and sighing and grumbling. She hollered to have her music CD played again. She hollered that she was too hot. Then she cried that she was still too hot. We played the CD again, helped her change into lighter pajamas, re-settled, re-tucked, and re-kissed…
Still, she did not sleep.
We told her she was going to have to work this out and figure out a way to go to sleep. We heard her turn on her music one more time. She then proceeded to move around, sighing and grumbling, for several more minutes…
Finally, it seemed that she was asleep.
I went to check on her and found her awake. I checked her for fever, asked her if she felt OK or if she needed anything.
“Yes,” she said. “I need you to curl up and sleep in here with me all night.”
Clearly, something was wrong. But not like monsters under the bed or afraid of the dark wrong. Zilla doesn’t usually bother with that sort of thing. I’m not sure what the problem was, and I don’t think she did, either. Overtired? Over stimulated? Overheated? All of the above, I’m sure. Still, it’s rare that she can’t get to sleep. Her little mind and body are “on” for every second that she is awake. When she’s done for the night, she’s done instantly. If she struggles to get to “off,” it’s difficult for all of us.
And so I stayed.
I sat on the floor next to her little bed and rubbed her back. She was still and quiet for a while, then said it was too much rubbing. She usually loves that, so I figured it had to be too much sensory input. I know how that feels. I know how the inability to shut down feels. I know how a sleepless night feels. How I wished I could make all of that stop for her. “Lord, please give this child peace so she can rest,” I prayed.
And so we re-positioned ourselves and she wrapped her still very little hand around my finger, just like she did when she was a baby. We listened to her songs and I quietly sang along for one or two. She closed her eyes, held on tight, and smiled ever so slightly…
Finally, her breathing changed. Her grip loosened on my hand. Sleep.
I stayed a little while longer. There are so few minutes of her days when her body and her mind are truly still and at rest. I wanted to watch for a moment – not because I enjoyed that she was quiet, but because she finally could.
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Really does sound like a case of “all of the above”. And, of course, those nights tend to coincide with the nights mom and dad are soooo ready to sleep!
Watching your baby sleep (even when she can no longer truly qualify as a baby), few things in life bring more joy and contentment.
So true, May! It’s in these moments that she most looks like my baby still and not the big girl she is during the day. Sigh.
Poor thing! I hate it when I can’t sleep! You’re a good mama.
I know, I felt so bad – know what that feels like! And thanks – I do hope so.
While she might not remember this night for long, the feeling of knowing that you are there and able to help her will stick with her. You are a great mom.
That’s what I’m hoping! And I hope she might remember when she’s fifteen and questioning my skills. 😉
What a lovely moment for you. The times in which I make myself be still with my children are wonderful.
You know, you said it well – the stillness was good for both of us. I am happy that I was able to help her and if felt nice that she still needs me. 🙂
I’m glad that you got to see the beauty in seeing this through with her. Poor Zilla. Lovely mama/daughter story. 🙂
I am painfully aware that moments like these are too rare and too quickly gone.
You are wonderfull. You really, really are. *applause*
Aww. Thanks. Just doing my job. 🙂
Mine are older and still have nights like this. It’s hard when they can’t sleep and even if I tell them to go back to bed, I still lay in my own bed and fret about it. Then, sometimes, downstairs I go! I’m glad she was finally able to settle down and get some sleep.
That’s exactly what I do – fret. And I feel bad about trying to get her to learn to tough it out and solve her problem. So, I was glad to go in and help. And I got a few moments to see her completely still and peaceful. A rare treat. 🙂
How is her sleep now? Hopefully she was able to get back into her sleep routine. Sam always slept like a champ unless he was sick. It really throws me off when I hear him making noise late at night.
She’s fine. The next night she was back to normal. Must have just been off. She spent the day playing with her cousins – maybe just too much stimulation. 🙂
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Sweet story. I could feel the grip on your finger loosen and hear the sound of the breath change.
Yes, I remember that night. And there have been others here and there. Sometimes sleep is difficult for her and we both understand that all too well. One of those instances where it’s so helpful for all of us that we understand what she deals with in that brain of hers.