Household Uses for Rotten Cats

Reason number forty-seven why My Sister hates the Rotten Cats:

The Rotten Cats have Super Laser Beam Eye Powers.

I only wish that all three of them had been present with their Super Laser Beam Eye Powers when I grabbed this photo because the only thing that would torment My Sister more than this would be all three of them in the same room with their glowing eyes. She loves when they all gather around in a Rotten Cat circle.

But Cat Two was snoring – yes snoring – on his little Rotten Cat sleeping perch.  Smallest Rotten Cat in the house has the biggest snore in the house. But even more bizarre is the fact that he snores at all.  I had no idea that cats snore. But they do. All three of them do. And they are very very loud.

If you checked in here last Friday, you know that Cat Three has been evaluating the aesthetic value of our artwork. It seems that he may actually be working on a career in interior design, not just art curator. Cat Three has decided that we should get hardwood floors in the house. He is even helping with the removal of the current carpeting by selecting three very particular spots in the house to shred to pieces in the middle of the night when all the people are asleep and can’t do a thing about it.

I’d like to say I’m amused.

But I am most assuredly not.

When Fab Hub and I got the Rotten Cats, we drew up a pre-nuptial agreement of sorts: the first time any Rotten Cats scratch or claw one item of furniture, carpet, or human, they are history.

Siiiiiiiiiiigh.

Five years later, they have not bothered one single thing. Until now. It’s sort of remarkable, really. All three Rotten Cats are in possession of four claw-bearing paws. They have never given me reason to consider sending them back from whence they came – at least not for scratching or clawing.

But this…

I could scream.

We have tried to deter Cat Three from his nocturnal efforts in the flooring remodel, to no avail. That sour apple stuff that is supposed to keep dogs from digging at things? Does not work on cats. Shaking cans of pennies at them? Nope. Spraying them with water from across the room? Fun, but ineffective. So far the only thing that has worked at all is spraying the offending area with plain old household vinegar. (Thank you, Pinterest.) It seems to keep Cat Three at bay. The downside? It has to be re-applied daily and now my bedroom smells like a salad.

Truth? There is no way on this planet or in any of the nine circles of hell that any one of us will be able to muster the strength to send the Rotten Cats packing. (Although, I am fairly certain that Cat Three’s carpet clawing would land him in the outer ring of the seventh circle where are housed those who are violent against people and property. Property, Cat Three, includes my upstairs carpet!)

But to continue…

I suppose that we will simply have to endeavor to hate the sin and love the sinner here. We will admonish the wicked, but draw him lovingly into the fold, grant him forgiveness, and attempt to help him rehabilitate his Rotten Cat Self.

At least we can console ourselves with the knowledge that when the next multi-day power outage occurs, we can use his gleaming little eyeballs for a flashlight.

See? Rotten Cats are good to have around.