Silent Leaving
“Can’t imagine spending life with anyone else,” the old woman said.
The rocking chairs creaked. A groundhog lumbered nearby.
Such similar creatures are we, thought the old man. Eat, hibernate, mate, hibernate some more.
He had left her long ago, retreated into dreams of another life.
“Yep,” he said. “Imagine.”
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This post was written for the YeahWrite Microprose Challenge #316.
The prompt: “Give us exactly one way to leave your lover–in exactly fifty words.”
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Thought provoking and very well done, sometimes the truth lies in what isn’t said!
Josie Two Shoes
True enough.
It’s one of those stories that starts off sweet and ends up hitting you right in the brain. Reminds me of those really sweet sounding songs with the catchy tune that gives you a double take when you actually listen to the lyrics.
It kind of is. Sweet and sad, like life.
Thanks for reading!
Excellent pacing! Great story, Lisa!
Oh, sweet. Thanks, Charli!
That’s probably the worst kind of leaving: Not leaving physically, I mean. Sigh, why do couples do this to each other? Letting the other person go when you have nothing in common is the kindest thing you can do.
What I enjoyed here was the resignation to his fate that you’ve captured and the monotony as depicted through the groundhog.
I agree – it can be so unkind to allow the other person (and yourself) to hold onto that false sense of happiness. Thanks so much for the feedback – I’m glad that resignation came through.
Yes, sometimes life’s is all about getting used to the familiarity even though there’s no emotional connect with the partner. Not an uncommon situation. Nicely done, Lisa!
That’s all too often the case – it’s just easier to be complacent than to speak up and be honest about the situation. Thanks for reading!
The mental, emotional leaving is utterly heart-breaking, and you capture it in a very lovely piece. Wonderful writing!
Thank you, Tony. Emotional distance is indeed heartbreaking – perhaps for both parties.
This is the first time I read this kind of story so it takes me to read again and again several times in order to understand the meaning deeply. I can feel both sweet and sad feelings in this context. Great post! Thanks for sharing with us :)!
There is definitely a mix of sweet and sad at work here, Linh. Thanks for reading!
Interesting that you interpreted it as not being present emotionally, rather than physically leaving.
There are definitely lots of ways to leave someone. Thanks for reading!
I love the image of the lumbering groundhog – it fits in perfectly and tells us plenty about how the old man sees the world.
Thank you, Laura. That’s exactly how the old man feels.
Like everyone else, I just love this poem <3. I think it captures the sadness that comes from not saying things so well.
Thank you, Rachel. What goes unsaid is often the source of much sadness.
Hmmm. Quite true to life. Lovely writing.
Unfortunately so, yes. And thank you so much!
I like how you’ve layered the different characters’ perceptions with their dialogue to show the reader how they’ve drifted (the perceptions *and* the characters!). That said, dropping a huge image into the middle of your story doesn’t do it a lot of favors. Generally this story doesn’t need an image at all to be understood, so I’m not sure what the thought process was behind including it other than “we’re told that our blog posts should have images in them” which is a one-size-fits-practically-nobody piece of advice left over from the Dawn of Blog.
Thank you, Rowan. That’s great feedback on the dialogue.
As for the image, well…that’s a very good question and one that’s bothered me for some time. You’ve given me something to think about and perhaps an idea. In truth, probably just exactly what you said – a leftover piece of advice that seemed good at one time.
Aww, his poor wife!
I think the worst part is her not having a clue that he’s somewhere else.
The saddest part of your tale for me is that she still seems happy with him, and doesn’t seem to recognize that he left her. The only constructive criticism I can think of is the sentence “He left her…” is much more telling than showing.
I think that would be the saddest part, yes. Definitely.
Thanks for that bit re: “he left her…” That’s great feedback and yes, could be explored differently. Thanks so much!
OOH! Wow. Sad, but so relatable. I want to get in on this microprose challenge thing. I’m going to check it out!
Do it! It’s way fun.