Stop and Focus
“Just focus on one thing.”
That’s what my Fab Hub said to me tonight when I was having one of my over-stressed holy-crap-there-is-too-much-on-my-plate meltdowns.
I hate those meltdowns. I hate that I have those meltdowns. But this is real life and stress is all part of it. Sometimes I handle it pretty well; other times, not so much. Today was one of those times.
Sometimes I think getting overstressed is some great big sign of weakness. Sometimes I catch myself making comparisons to other people who I imagine are completely in control of their stress and wishing I had it all together. But no one really knows how anyone else really feels or really is – we can only make assumptions based on external evidence. And we all know where doing that leads us.
So I cried a little and started doing this thing where I start listing all the things in my life that I need to do, have to do, want to do…and the list grows bigger and the stress becomes greater and the next thing I know, it feels like nothing will ever get done because it’s all just too much. I started going on about how I wanted to just take a few hours for myself, but that prompts guilt about all the things that “should” be getting done. But then I realize that’s unhealthy and unreasonable, too.
And then he said “Hon, stop. You have to stop. Just focus on one thing. Then do that thing and before you know it, you’ll have accomplished a lot.”
How great is this guy?
He is the calm to my storm, the logic to my emotion, the quiet to my noise. Always has been. And it’s a good thing. Because if it weren’t for all of that, I am certain that I would have spontaneously combusted by now.
It really isn’t earth-shattering advice. My husband certainly isn’t the first person in history to suggest this approach. What’s significant here is that somehow I knew that I needed to hear it from him; and he knew I needed to hear it.
So it’s the first full week of a new month…as good a time as any to adjust my focus. That’s the beauty of life, isn’t it? There is always an opportunity for a fresh start – the start of a new year, month, week, day…even a new hour is an opportunity to re-focus.
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I’m a “freaker outer” too. And luckily, my husband is far more rational!
It’s a good thing when the highly-charged people get paired with the more grounded ones. Otherwise, the world might be a very frightening place. Well, more than it is already. 🙂
My husband never worries about anything-or at least he never shows it. I, on the other hand, have been known to freak out at the littlest things. It’s nice to have that balance, even if I do wish I could trade places with him sometimes 🙂
I kind of wonder what it would be like to live in the shoes of a person who does not worry and freak out like I do. Or maybe I’d just worry that I wasn’t worrying about something…
Amen! No matter how much balance we think we have, there’s always one more task to put us over the edge. All we can do is one thing at a time. Your hub is a wise man. Don’t worry, I won’t tell him.
Oh please don’t…there will be no living with him! 🙂
I got great advice from a fellow blogger once when I was overwhelmed. That was figure your biggest stress inducing task and spend 15 min. a day on it. At the end of 15 min. walk away. It is amazing how quickly you see change in even a huge project. After three days, I was trying to trick myself into just a few more minutes because I didn’t want to walk away.
You can do just about anything for fifteen minutes, right? I’ve actually used similar strategies for dealing with various ADHD issues – set a timer, etc. It really does work. I think I just haven’t been paying enough attention to tools like that lately. Hence the word of the year: Focus. 🙂 Thanks for the reminder about this one, May – it will be handy for a big project the Hub and I are about to start.
So glad that your husband’s wise words were able to break the cycle.
It sounds as if we have all been blessed by having wonderful men in our lives who calming influences on us. I know I would be a mess if my partner wasn’t able to help give me a little (or a lot of) perspective from time to time.
Hi, Tammy. Clearly, there is a pattern of personality type reading and commenting here. What fun! Thanks for visiting and adding your voice. 🙂
Hubster is definitely my source of sanity at times. He’s gotten pretty used to gently pointing out that I can’t do the 12 things I listed in the span of an evening or just making me stop and relax 🙂
How funny – Fab Hub always tells me that I grossly underestimate the amount of time it takes me to do things. He’s right, of course, but that doesn’t stop me from trying to cram it all in anyway!
You have a such a good attitude. I agree with you so much that there’s always an opportunity for a fresh start. That’s my approach too. It’s good to know when you have a bad day that you can always start over tomorrow.
And I think your husband’s advice is great to focus on one thing at a time. I’ve noticed that when I try to tackle too many things at once, I lose concentration. Or I get too frustrated. Either way, it becomes harder.
Thanks, Steve. I think I spent a lot of time in my younger years being negative and pessimistic, but it yields exactly nothing but more negativity. So I really do try to see things from a more positive perspective. Some days it works; some days it doesn’t. But the fresh start approach is helpful.
I know exactly what you mean about things becoming harder when we take on too much, etc. And once whatever “it” is becomes too difficult or too large, it is so easy to just push it to a corner and say “nope, that’s too hard for now.” But learning to take just one small part of the job and tackle that can chip away at a daunting effort in no time.