On Hope and Happiness

I have always believed that God does not give us subtle hints or gentle suggestions when He wants to show us His Way.

Personally, I think it would be more accurate to say He smacks us right upside the head.

At least that’s how it works with me.

No, no, no…I am not suggesting that we are dealing with a vengeful and violent God.  I just think that what is true is that God doesn’t make it too difficult to follow the path He lays before us.

For example…

As you know, I have been struggling with the difficult scenario of having to work every day at the same place that eliminated my Fab Hub’s position several months ago.  This experience is difficult enough all by itself.  The difference here is that most people’s spouses do not have to return to the scene of the crime, so to speak.  But I have to say in all honesty that the people who work beside me every day are some of the finest people I have been blessed to know.  They are supportive and caring.  They give me things to laugh about.  They give me shoulders to cry on.  They do not pretend nothing happened.  They know; this happened to all of us.

There have been many people in the last few months who have told me I should get out, go somewhere new, find a newer/better/safer place to spend my days.  Don’t think I haven’t considered it.  I absolutely have.

So this week when I was sent information about a particular position opening by the eighth person in about five days, I said to myself, “Self, maybe you are really not paying attention to the major hint God is sending you about getting out of Dodge and heading for something new.”  I actually shared my concern with a colleague this morning.  I told him that I really was starting to wonder if this wasn’t God saying “hey, I’ve tapped you on the shoulder like eight times now.  Do I really need to smack you upside the head?”  I wondered if it was possible that I was supposed to get my resume in order and go.

And my colleague said that while that was certainly a possible scenario, perhaps it is also possible that it could be viewed as God telling me that I need to stay where I am.  It makes sense.  Every time someone tells me about this opening, I do not have to hesitate for a moment before explaining why it would not be a wise choice and why it would not be a good fit.  And it isn’t fear or excuse; it is the truth.

Maybe I needed to hear the reasons I should stay more than anyone else.  And maybe I need to hear them from myself.  Out loud.

So do I know what the future will bring?  Can I predict where I will be in a year?  Or three or five?  No.  But somehow right now I can say that yes, I need to stay where I am – maybe not for good, but certainly for now.  I cannot spend my days figuring out tomorrow; there is too much happening today that must be tended to first.  I can only think about what must be accomplished immediately if we are all to emerge from this circumstance better, stronger, happier.

When I was reading May’s blog today, I was reminded of my Wonderful Grandfather’s wisdom.  He always told us, “you are only about as happy – or as miserable – as you allow yourself to be.”  He was so right.  I have allowed myself to be fairly miserable on several occasions over the last few months.  But I will not apologize for that; I will not regret that misery.  Grieving and suffering are part of living.  Even though we may choose not to dwell on the pain, there are times when it is necessary.  Again, I remind myself that there is no Resurrection without the Cross.  This Cross has been difficult to bear for Fab Hub, for Me, for Kidzilla…but the struggle is not ours alone.  It extends beyond us to those who love and support us.  Their hands – His Hands – have held us up thus far.  In these last days, I have felt that perhaps the time has come to take a few tentative steps forward, acknowledging the struggle still before us, but embracing the hope and happiness that begins to shine through.