Ramblings from a Dry Day

Words, words everywhere and not a one to post.

I have been writing my little fingers off lately. Truly. The lack of posts here tells a different tale. Granted, I did admit the other day that much of the writing has been going elsewhere, off the blog. But still. I don’t like when this space sits empty.

I’ve felt rather bothered for the greater part of today. Bothered perhaps by the fact that I have all these words and none that I want to call complete enough to hit that publish button. It’s not that they’re complicated or profound or anything else. They’re just…incomplete.

I could be bothered by the fact that my routine is just off today. Kidzilla had a delayed start again this morning. By definition, that completely alters things. In addition, she did not want to go to school (can you blame a kid after three days at home?) and was less than cooperative about putting it in gear this morning.

Then there was the injury. While clearing cars and shoveling away the ice and snow of the last couple of days, the Hub took a spill and twisted his ankle. That split second caused a ripple of shifting responsibilities and interrupted timing for everyone. Around here that’s potentially catastrophic. In the house that ADD built, as we call it here, life runs on a carefully orchestrated set of responsibilities and intricately timed choreography to get everyone where they need to be fully clothed and prepared for the day. Routine and consistency are our friends. So when something goes awry…

Yeah.

And I suppose it could be that the Hub was home all day when I had anticipated a long and solitary day on my own. It’s not that was particularly underfoot, forgive the pun, but it was not the plan. Every time I sat to work or write, I just couldn’t get a thing to work. Maybe after Zilla goes to bed, I thought. Surely I could polish up a few lines then.

Nope.

As I wandered around the kitchen grumbling about the fact that I couldn’t write, the Hub suggested that maybe it was because I was worried about him. I suppose that could be it, but it’s not like it was horribly serious – he twisted his ankle. At most it’s a sprain so really, he’s fine. Maybe it’s more that he was warming the bench today and that’s not the norm. His regular activities lend a sense of security and consistency to the rest of the less structured factors of my days. Him being home due to an injury was odd. Since I left my “day job” in August and claimed home as my workspace, the Hub has gone to work every day. The only times he’s been home were weekends and intentional holidays or the recent snow days. Those are more normal than today.

I was bothered by the lack of words here, but my Husband (whom I often think knows me far better than I know myself) told me not to force it, that a dry day was a dry day and no more. I’m sure he’s right. It’s a dry day. And my brain and routine are addled in several particular ways today.

So maybe right now I’m going to go finish the book I’m reading or grab a movie before I head to bed. Maybe I need to just let the words swirl around in the background and not worry about them for a few hours. It’s not unusual for me to do a great deal of my writing that way – in my head, in thoughts and ideas only before they become actual words. Those who know me and my process will nod and say “yes, that’s right…that’s how she does it.” I know there are several things cooking right now that are not ready for me to serve you just yet.

When my students used to tell me they couldn’t write this or that because they didn’t know what to write, I would tell them to write about just that. “About what,” they’d ask, while looking at me as if to say “I’m certain that you’ve lost your mind, but I want to see where this goes.” I would tell them to write about the fact that they didn’t know what to write, just to go through the physical and mental acts of putting pen to paper and producing words, regardless of the product.

I have also often said to others who were concerned about a lack of inspiration or progress or tangible product where their own writing was concerned, “Don’t force it…all in due time. When they words are ready they will come.”

And so putting that advice into practice for myself once more (lest anyone think this has never happened), I have done precisely those things: I have acknowledged the fact that I have no words today and I have decided that I am not going to worry about them right now.

And with that, I bid you good night.