Compassion Is Hard – A 1000Speak Confession
Compassion is hard.
To feel a sincere sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others? That’s hard. To feel that along with a strong desire to ease the suffering? Harder still.
It is far easier to push those feelings way down inside of us and it is much easier to pretend we don’t care. It’s so much safer to bury that concern and decide not to act and I’ll tell you why that’s true.
Because compassion hurts.
Compassion requires vulnerability. We cling to the hope that our offering will be enough, our intentions understood, our desire to help or heal accepted.
But sometimes the hatchet falls.
Compassion hurts because sometimes when we make ourselves vulnerable we may end up wounded. Human beings can be so unkind. We all lack compassion. If we didn’t, none of us would be here today, pouring out our hearts, hoping to touch just one life, to affect just one change.
Human beings lack compassion. We lack compassion because we are imperfect beings. We fail and we fall.
Be honest. Right here, right now, be honest. Admit that at some point in your life, for some reason, in some large or small way, you have lacked compassion for another human being. It doesn’t matter if it was intentional or not. It doesn’t matter if you were right or if you were wrong. Just answer the question.
Have you ever been unkind? Have you ever failed to show compassion?
I have.
It’s difficult to come clean about our flaws, isn’t it? To lay them bare for the world to see? It’s so much easier to pull the hood closer and the scarf tighter. Easier to say “no, I’m good,” and keep walking, head down against the cold hard wind of truth.
But the truth about the wind is that it always blows. No matter how gentle or destructive, no matter how warm or cold, the wind blows always and forever and touches each of us and all of us. Like the wind, truth is always there.
Here’s my truth:
I have been unkind and I have lacked compassion at times in my life. I have allowed pride and fear and misconception to get in the way of showing compassion for another person. I have always said that I do not live my life with regrets. I have moments in my life of which I am not proud. But I believe that every moment of our lives brings us to the place and the person we are today. Every moment – the good and the bad, the ones in which we stumble and the ones in which we shine.
Have people in your life been unkind to you? Have they failed to show compassion toward you? It has happened to me and I can tell you with a fair degree of certainty that it is likely for the same reasons I did. Pride. Fear. Misconception. People will tell you that they are kind and compassionate people. Perhaps they will even appear to be so…but with everyone except those closest to them. Sometimes you will do that yourself.
Relationships are complicated.
How simple to allow ourselves the delusion that we will always show kindness and compassion to those we love. It just isn’t so. But remember – human beings are imperfect. We fail and we fall.
I would like to tell you that in all cases I have accepted my faults. I would like to tell you that I have come to terms with those moments in my life where I did not shine, did not love. But that would be untrue. I have spent many moments criticizing myself, certain that I was somehow at fault for another person’s stumble. I have spent at least as many moments convinced that my own stumbles were somehow indicative of a lack of good moral character.
If I were better…then maybe…
What if the truth is that we lack compassion for ourselves? What if that renders us incapable of believing that we are worthy of kindness and compassion? We must be kind to ourselves. We must acknowledge that people change. We all grow and learn from experience. And we must include ourselves in that acknowledgement.
There is room in the world for more compassion than we practice. There are so many reasons and causes that inspire us to do better. But we must first better ourselves. Before we show compassion for the world around us, we must first show compassion for ourselves.
![20140725_175103[1]](http://www.themeaningofme.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/20140725_1751031.jpg)
Compassion is hard. Self-compassion is harder.
But it’s the first step.
Forgive yourself. Love yourself.
Then go out and do the rest…
~~~~~~~~~~
1000Speak started with an understanding that even though we might get older, we still all need the metaphorical village around us, and the compassion of others in our lives. Then the sudden thought happened – what if 1000 of us wrote about compassion all at once? From there, the movement has taken on its own life; has burgeoned and grown and spread a whole lot of love and connection and ‘villageyness’.
Spread the love using the hashtag #1000Speak
Join the 1000 Voices Speak for Compassion group on Facebook.
And join in – together we’re stronger.
On February 20, 2015, United Nations World Day of Social Justice, one thousand bloggers from all over the world will join their voices to speak through their blogs about compassion.
I am honored to share my blog space as one of the 1000 Voices Speak for Compassion link-up co-hosts. Use the blue button below to link your post and to view posts by other wonderful and talented bloggers.
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Yes. Compassion does hurt.
Yes. I have failed to be kind to people around me many times.
I was unkind to myself.
It is not until we know we are loved that we realize what love is like.
Thank you for sharing your insightful post.
Thanks, Romi. We hurt ourselves more than we know and it is an important first step to stop.
I’ll be around to yours soon!
So well, and simply stated. The judging of others and the self-judging are the things that are so difficult to forgive in yourself.
I often think that the things we judge harshly in others are the things we judge harshly about ourselves. And yet somehow it’s easier to forgive others than ourselves.
Pride, fear, misconception…these are the reasons I believe people avoid being compassionate too.
Very honest post, thank you. Hopefully your words will resonate with others!
It often has very little to do with actual hate – these things that make us insecure and scared are what drive that. Thanks, Christina! Looking forward to yours!
That is the secret, isn’t it? Makes me think of that song, “Let there be peace on Earth, and let it begin with me.” By practicing self-compassion we can better be compassionate toward others.
Yes! Most often that song is interpreted as “let me be the first to be peaceful toward others” and that is a fair and good interpretation. But what if it means “let me first be at peace with myself”? It makes perfect sense – if all we do is allow negativity in our own hearts, how can we spread anything else to the rest of the world?
It’s OK if I borrow your pic and blurb from the bottom?
Of course!
Lisa, this is so absolutely perfect. I don’t think there’s a person among us who can’t relate to this post.
Thank you, Jen. I know there are many. Too many. It kind of hurts to think that even when we can extend compassion outward, we struggle to be kind to ourselves. In the end it serves no one.
This is a beautiful start to #1000Speak for me. I think of times when I might not have been compassionate outwardly, I definitely lacked it within. That’s where it all starts, doesn’t it?
Thank you, Eli. When we are hurting inside, too often it turns to projecting that outwardly – or at the very least failing to project in a positive direction. I do think it starts with self-love and self-forgiveness.
Compassion is forgiving yourself when maybe you were not quite thoughtful, but you are determined to do better next time
The desire to change and do better next time is important. We can’t expect change or action in ourselves or anyone else without that desire.
I think we can all think of times when we’ve been unkind, unforgiving, etc. toward others. But what matters here is that we acknowledge the times when we haven’t been compassionate (either to ourselves or others), forgive ourselves for our mistakes (which… isn’t always easy, but we need to try), and learn how to act with more compassion in future circumstances. All steps that you discussed above, and all are so important – but they all require time, patience, and effort on our part.
Yes, compassion is hard. It’s not usually the first approach we take. But it’s necessary. It’s right. It’s beautiful, and we need more of it.
Lovely post, Lisa. Thanks for sharing. 🙂 My #1000Speak Big Day post should be up tomorrow (shortly after midnight EST).
You hit the important part, Poojah. We have to acknowledge, learn, and move on armed with that knowledge so we c as n do better the next time around. It’s unreasonable to think we won’t stumble somehow and forgiving ourselves or others is key to being able to move forward.
Looking forward to your post!
I love how many of these posts for #1000speak are recognising the link (or pre requisite) between self compassion and compassion for others.
I noticed that too! Always good when we can see that others feel as we do. There is strength in numbers.
Very true that a big part of it is fear. This post is definitely one that gives me pause and in need of reflecting about my part in compassion or lack there of.
Fear is a big motivator for so much of what goes ‘wrong’ in the world, Kenya. When we fear, we can really only operate from a state of needing to lash out so we don’t get hurt – much like an animal backed into a corner.
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I’ve definitely been judgmental many many times and I guess I will be in the future too though I do hope it will at much less frequency! It’s such a warm feeling to give your love and understanding to another person that it hurts that I am somehow weak and don’t do it often enough!
Loved the post!!
We all are, Roshni. We are human. And even when we intend for the best, we don’t always do what we hope to. To be aware of the behavior and to want to work to improve, that’s the important part. And it’s also so important, I think, to not beat ourselves up about it when we do fail to do what we should.
Thanks!
Love this post! Yes, compassion is hard. And forgiving yourself is hard. But we have to learn to forgive ourselves so we can have peace.
Thank you, Julie. That’s a great way to put it – we have to find a way to be at peace with ourselves. That affects so much else.
I agree Lisa. Compassion is tough because we all are buried in the humdrum of life. You are a brave soul to accept it, and I admire you for that 🙂
I am also treading upon the path of compassion by trying to be mindful of my actions so that I can sleep at peace each night…phew!
xoxo
Another vote for finding peace. At the end of the day, that’s all you can do – take inventory, reflect, and be at peace with the results.
Thank you Lisa for your raw honesty. Loved the post and everything you had to say. I believe all of it with 100% certainty. Self-compassion is a necessity in living our lives wholeheartedly yet so hard for so many of us. I read something the other day that said that the broken beliefs we have about ourselves came from broken people. I thought that was so powerful. Also, having compassion for those that have hurt us is so hard, but that is when setting boundaries comes in. Resentment is often to blame for our lack of compassion toward others. If we set boundaries, then the possibility of resentment diminishes, allowing room for compassion. (learned that gem from Brene Brown). Hugs.
That is a powerful statement, Jackie – that broken beliefs come from broken people. And if you think about it, the broken people could be those who have hurt us or could be ourselves. Either way it’s strong.
It is very difficult to have compassion for those who have hurts us. And it goes both ways – it’s hard to do that and if we can get to a place where we can reach out, it’s a very good thing. However. Because it is difficult to have compassion for those who have hurt us, if we are the one who caused the pain or hurt, the person on the receiving end of our lack of compassion may have a hard time opening up to us. And that hurts just as much – here I am, baring my soul, telling you I am sorry and want to fix this and there you are rejecting me. Ouch. And that’s where the vicious cycle of pain comes in – resentment, blame, and more cause roadblocks. The boundary thing is important. We have to reach a point – whether we have been on the giving or receiving end of the hurt. At some point the boundary has to be set, as you said. We have to reach a point where we say ‘enough’ to the cycle of hurt and step away. Maybe we can’t make the other person stop hurting us. Maybe we can’t make them want to repair the damaged relationship. But we can decide not to perpetuate or allow it to continue and simply say that they have to own the problem.
Oh what a tangled web it is, isn’t it? So much work to be a good person. Lol. I did an e-course with Iyanla Vanzant on Forgiveness. It was very helpful. Forgiveness is huge and I think a way to lean into compassion for the ones who have hurt us. And just because you forgive them doesn’t mean you allow them back into your life. We can forgive from a distance. Then there is accountability (as you mentioned). That’s a big one for me because I want the ones who have hurt me to acknowledge it – but that is my ego talking. I’m trying every day. It helps me a lot when I picture the person who has hurt me (and there have been so many) as a small child. I try to humanize them. I ask “what did he/she go through in childhood to make them this way?” Sometimes that helps me get to compassion. Love our chats, friend.
Ah, Jackie, you nailed a point I really didn’t explore here, mostly in an effort to keep this a readable length! 😀 Sometimes we forgive, but the other party doesn’t want it, doesn’t want to repair the broken relationship. Sometimes we ask for forgiveness for the wrongs we have done and it is not given to us. I understand the feeling you talk about here – wanting someone who has hurt me to admit that they did, to acknowledge that I hurt. I’ve experienced hurt about situations that others didn’t see as hurtful or didn’t understand the depth of the hurt and just wanted them to truly walk in my shoes and understand that what happened was so very wrong. And yet – sometimes people won’t forgive us no matter how much we want them to. Sometimes people won’t acknowledge and understand our pain about something, no matter how deep it is. Sometimes I think people don’t want to see the wrong in a situation because to admit that it was wrong or hurtful somehow points out what they don’t want to see in a situation. In those cases, those people lack compassion and that’s when compassion hurts – when we are on the end that needs to receive and it is not given to us. I’ve found that like you said, sometimes we have to forgive from a distance, decide to move on without them because it’s the only self-compassionate thing to do.
Are you talking about my dad? Lol. His inability to admit wrong-doing is remarkable and has made me want to bang my head against a wall many times and it makes me wonder where the hell his compassion is! He’s the one I was referring to when I said I picture them as a small child. 😉 Take care and have a lovely weekend.
Ha – no, Jackie, I definitely didn’t have your dad in mind. I have known people who can’t admit their own part in a disagreement or who can’t see that what they do hurt just as much as they’ve been hurt. With that kind of situation – as I’m sure you’ve discovered already – we just kind of have to find a way to come to terms with it, whatever those terms are. Somehow the cycle has to end, even if that means stepping away and letting each side own the problem in their own way.
Running out of things to say. Thank goodness you already said it so well. Well said. 🙂
Thanks. This was a hard one for me. Could have done it a couple of different ways. Went with this.
There were things I really wanted to say here, but decided against. Not sure why…maybe that’s another post. I’ll talk to you offline.
“Compassion hurts.” Oh how I love the real and the raw in this. Wow. Well done.
Thanks, Galit. Sometimes it does and the truth can always be told.
Simply put, but so important to take the first step towards compassion – forgive and love yourself!
So grateful to be a part of #1000Speak 🙂
The first step is the most important one in all things, Aditi.
#1000Speak is awesome!
I do believe there is a strong element of compassion fatigue in our community. We get bombarded by the news, charities hammering us for donations, which are in effect training us to say: “no no no no no”. Can we afford to let someone or an issue creep in through a crack and get a hold of us? If we dip a toe in, will we lose a leg? It is hard to get a balance. Take care and best wishes,
Rowena
Compassion fatigue – that’s an interesting concept. As in all things, it’s important to remember that we don’t necessarily have to do everything and all things – just the one thing that is in our reach. It’s big enough.
Dangit I forget who now, but someone did a whole post on compassion fatigue. JANA! JANA DID IT…stopmeifItoldu…I will tweet you…
I got it – and I have that one earmarked because I saw that phrase go by more than once in my reading yesterday. Interesting.
Everyone lacks compassion at some point or another we’re not perfect but as long as we make the good out weigh the bad we are on the right track at least.
Very true, Rena. The best we can do is make our best honest effort.
It’s so much harder to love yourself than it is to love others. Aren’t we silly, silly people?
We are silly. But at least we know we are in good company with one another.
You did such a beautiful job with this Lisa. It’s so true isn’t it? We fail and we fall…. and compassion can be very hard at times. Here’s to it getting easier and easier. To remembering when it’s hard. xxoo
Thank you, Kristi. It was a tough one. Yes, here’s to all of that and to getting up and going on when we do fall!
Ah… just so convicting and encouraging all at once Lisa!!! This is just so true… and I have been very guilty of NOT acting in compassion, but turning away or even more- feeling angry or unforgiving toward another.
I am my own worst critic at times, and that is where we do need to begin! Self love is hard. Compassion is a place of vulnerability and acceptance. Those two things are soooo difficult to master.
We all do it, Chris – we all play that role of our own worst critic and treat ourselves the way we would not dream of treating another. And, also true, we have all behaved in ways that lack compassion, among other things. What I wish is that when we approach someone we’ve hurt, or we are hurting and need to be consoled, or when we are the one being approached, that we could be able to truly set those personal feelings aside and really think about the other person. It’s a whole other discussion, really, but it all goes together.
Vulnerability is nigh unto impossible, isn’t it? To truly be comfortable with making ourselves vulnerable to another is so very hard, especially when we fear that we may be hurt in the process. It forces us to put up a shield and that accomplishes very little.
Yes, compassion does hurt. It is hard, yet we must try.
That’s true, Elizabeth. Sometimes the hardest things to do are the ones we must do most.
Ahhhhhh, so much beauty and truth here, Lisa!! Thank you for sharing so candid a picture of Self and encouraging us to do the same.
Truly moved.
Truly.
With heart,
Dani
Dani, thanks for those sweet words. Existing our very secret selves is difficult…for me anyway! I have read so many posts about people needing to be more compassionate to themselves. There’s only one way to fix that…take a first step.
I haven’t read your post yet but I’ll get there!
Lisa, you managed so many honest and valuable truths in this post. I, like you, have had moments in my life when I have been unkind and lacked compassion. I can find a million excuses as to why but you really summed it up well here.
I think this action, this incredible event that is happening right now is a lot of people saying the same thing in many different ways.
Well done, Lisa. Thank you for the honesty and encouragement!
Thanks, Sandy. This whole thing is amazing. It’s humbling and encouraging and it tells me that so many of us share similar experiences that draw us together. That is a beautiful thing.
See, now, I’m COMPLETELY comfortable with holding my hands up and admitting my lack of compassion, my hard-heartedness, my cynicism, my badness, and the ways I have ignored the plight of my fellow man. I’m UTTERLY comfortable with putting it ‘out there’ for other people to judge and scrutinise and agree with…because if I reject myself first and hold up my failings for all to see, then when people agree with me, it hurts less than if they’d pointed out something I missed.
And it confirms my sense of failure and inadequacy. It reminds me that I am a let-down and comfortable there.
I am UNcomfortable talking about the ways in which I’ve been kind, or done something well. I am intensely on edge about the way lots of people seem to think that 1000Speak is something I should be proud of, when it was Yvonne’s idea, and a team effort to make it work, and all I did was write a post which serendipitously inspired it. I feel very difficult about all the accolades people are giving me and I don’t feel like they belong. I did lots to help make it happen, but so did Jen and Tamara and Yvonne and Erin and you and Crystal and Gene’o, and really, I only did THAT level of thing…but here I am, celebrated. And it feels like false pretenses.
I hope you don’t mind that I’m saying this here. I suddenly needed to get it out. I feel a bit fraudulent about it and it sits uneasy.
*sigh*
Good at failure, I am.
And Husby will tell you of my lack of compassion. As will my Soulie. And my family.
We truly are harshest to those who love us most.
I knew you would say that and I hear you – I’ve felt and done the same things. And you know what? You’re exactly right that if we criticize, reject, punish, or whatever else BEFORE anyone else gets to, then perhaps it hurts less. But does it? Does it really accomplish anything except perpetuating our negative perceptions of ourselves? I’m going to say no…but everyone gets to that place where they realize that at a different time.
Do you know how many times I almost bailed out of this because I stomped around the table saying “I can’t write about this because I don’t do it – I’m not compassionate enough” I kept telling myself that my less than compassionate actions somehow render me unqualified. I had to give myself a serious lecture to stop that little cycle. What fuels it? Fear. Insecurity. Just like those things fuel so much else in the world that is wrong.
Don’t feel like the praise people give is false it’s not. But just look at how you immediately shared the credit and responsibility with all those who helped – that’s compassionate. That’s caring. That says other-centered. We all played our part. But you can’t deny the part where you DID write that first post… 😉
I don’t mind you saying it here at all and will assume you don’t mind me replying to it here.
We are all good at failure. We have to find ways to stop making the failures the defining moments and turn that around. All of us – I can tell that from the post and comments I’ve been reading.
I guarantee you my Hub can tell you about my lack of compassion just from the argument we had last night. I’m certain there are friends and family who would tell you the same if asked. I’ve written about that here before, too – we always crap on those closest to us and no one is unique in that, either. I really think it’s because we are most comfortable with those people and somehow know they won’t toss us out on our ear when we do. Well, not necessarily true. I’ve seen some do it – but you know what? That’s the other side of compassion. Not everyone can offer it in return. But we have to find a way to accept that – maybe we hurt them too badly, maybe they are too messed up themselves to truly be compassionate in return. Lots of reasons – just like Sarah wrote in hers. We never know what motivates.
Still, it begins with how we love (or don’t) ourselves. That’s a big factor.
indeed it is true. The wind blows always. Either it is gentle it is hot or cold but it blows, touching each of us. Compassion is hard, and it does hurt for all those reasons you have mentioned. Will they accept my compassion or will I be rejected? Fear… there it is showing its ugly head again.
Wonderful post.
I think fear drives so many things, Serins. Even if we don’t know it or can’t see it, if we dig deep to the root of things, fear is there. We have to figure out what to do to eliminate that fear, or at least work past it.
And thanks.
*Gulp* Yes, Compassion is hard and yes I have failed at it, many a time. And yes, self compassion is a luxury I haven’t indulged in either very often. Self pity, maybe. But not self-compassion. Your post hit the nail hard on the head. It is mind numbing when you are confronted with questions you prefer not to answer. But yes, I think the best time to begin is now and the best way to do it is one step at a time. Thank you for a self-introspection post. Can’t say I loved it coz uncomfortable spots never are. But then let’s just settle on this that I had to do this sooner or later. And I am glad it was sooner.
I think this is so true for so many people – I’m seeing it creep up again and again in these posts and comments. Being faced with those hard questions is – like you said – mind numbing, but it’s the only way to start. I’m sorry the words you found here made you uncomfortable, BUT that’s the only way to work toward change, isn’t it? To step outside of where we’re comfortable, where it’s easy. I wish you less discomfort and much growth!
There is so much beauty in this post! Thank you for the reminder to build compassion for myself as a base for compassion for the world. May the world be flooded with compassion today, and may you and I be part of it!
Have a lovely weekend!
We are definitely part of a great thing, Robin! I do think starting with ourselves is key. If we can’t treat ourselves with respect or dignity, how can we do it for anyone else?
Beautifully, wonderfully, truthfully, and perfectly said . . . as it always is 🙂
Aww…thank you, friend. 🙂 I have not made it over to yours yet – I will later.
Ah you’re so right. It’s not as easy as it can be sometimes made to sound. And no one is a perfect compassionate picture – however much we may try to be. But the main thing is that we do try – each one of us who does makes the world a more compassionate place.
That’s all we can do, right? Know we want to do well and endeavor to do the best that we are able. E for effort is a good place to be in this case. And I do see over and over on the posts that we all agree even the smallest amount of compassion can make a great difference.
An insightful read! We fail, we fall but only humans know how to get back..and do that with love and compassion..Yes,we all make mistakes but we need to learn from them and move on to make this world a better place..
That’s the key – we have the ability to learn from mistakes and use it to move forward.
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I agree that we need to start with ourselves in showing compassion. It is one of the reasons that I was attracted to concept of #1000Speak in the first place. We so often think of compassion as a duty owed to others; forgetting that it is a duty that we owe to ourselves as well.
Many of us are in this boat, Anna. If we want to change the world we have to look at ourselves first. But we also have to care for ourselves in the same ways we would care for others.
Being our own worst critic – why is that so universal? I can forgive others more easily than I can forgive myself, and I’m sure I’m not alone. Thank you for reminding us that compassion starts with ourselves. Most of us need that reminder – often.
I wish I could tell you, Dana, but it is. Makes you wonder where it comes from, why so many of us do that.
You’re right about compassion being difficult and relationships complex… We can only try our best… I appreciate the insights you share here!
Thanks, Christy!
What an open and honest post! You are so very right; it is too easy to just walk by pretending that we don’t notice the needs of others and tell ourselves it’s not up to us to care. What I love most about your post is the sentiment that the world has so much more room for compassion than we are providing right now. If that’s not a challenge to try harder, I don’t know what is!
Thanks, Brandy. Yes, it was a lot of open and honest for me – a tough one to write, but it seemed like a good time with the 1000Speak efforts. I think most of us know if we have room to show more compassion – whether to others or ourselves. And if we aren’t sure, then it’s a pretty good idea, a challenge like you said, to take a good hard look at ourselves and see where we might have opportunity to grow.
It does hurt. And it is hard. And I have definitely failed to show compassion many times in life. I find that it happens more and more as I get older.
This is very honest – and that’s totally my style to read and write!
Why do you think it’s harder as you get older? More set in our ways?
Honest is the only way I know how to roll. 🙂 Thanks!
What a wonderful post and the accompanying slew of comments are a treat. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my visit and will simply say that I’m with you. There’s always room for more compassion – whether it’s towards others or within ourselves.
Thanks, Kelly. One thing these posts have definitely sparked is some great conversation. And I’m always happy when someone enjoys their visit here.
There is certainly room for more compassion. Had to remind myself of that this morning. Have a great day!
Uh. This. This is so beautiful, because it is SO TRUE. There are so many times I could have been kinder, if not more compassionate at least NICER? And I let my own struggles, my own doubts and fears take over everything else. That’s a totally human thing, and it still totally makes me feel so GUILTY. I love that you wrote about this, it’s so HUMAN. It’s human to doubt, to stumble, to full-on fail, but it’s necessary to forgive ourselves, to move on and be able to help others do the same. I LOVE THIS. This whole movement has me dying and crying over here. It’s taken a long time to read all the posts, I mean I haven’t read ALL THE POSTS, but even the ones I have take a lot out of me sometimes. But they’re beautiful, and I’m so glad to read them and be a part of this amazingly human, wonderful movement!
Thank you, Joy. Your words here mean a lot. This is a tough topic to write about. Self-examination is hard, but necessary. We can’t make those who have hurt us look at themselves, look at their actions and come to a conclusion that they should have done differently. But we can do it ourselves. It is painful to admit we’ve stumbled or even fallen completely, but like you said it’s necessary. Great minds have always taken the practices of self-knowledge and self-improvement very seriously. If we are to grow, it is necessary to come to terms with who we are right now and decide where to go from here.
I am so overwhelmed by the whole movement we’ve started. Overwhelmed. The people, the posts, the tears and laughter that come from reading the stories…all of it. I’m working so slowly through the posts but it’s worth it because they show so many sides of humanity, so many instances of compassion. I can’t to see where we go from here.
You’re right – it’s good to want to be better, but we need to do so without punishing ourselves for not being more compassionate. We all are in need of a little kindness ourselves, and sometimes all we need to do is be compassionate towards ourselves. Like they say, you can only fill someone else’s cup with love once your own cup is full.
Exactly right, Ana. True of so many areas in life, not just compassion and kindness. Punishing ourselves for any shortcomings we may have isn’t productive.
Those times we have been unkind. Oh, I have been thinking a lot about this recently. I had a girl in my office because she had bullied another student. Well, more like she was a bully’s accomplice. After enduring my wrath, she began to cry a few slow, huge tears. She said quietly, I don’t even know why I did this. I like that girl. I think of her as my friend, but I still went along with (Bully-names changed to protect the guilty). As we talked I flashed back to a time I didn’t come to a friend’s defense in the face of a bully. I am not even sure I felt like I would have to for sure face the bully’s revenge on me. I think I just didn’t want to risk being a part of the dust-up just in case. Horrid–that is the kind of friend I felt I was after that. Decades later I still get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach because I know I did not do the right thing. You are right. Compassion is hard, it’s inconvenient, but I am absolutely certain it is right.
[…] Compassion is Hard Compassion isn’t always easy, and sometimes we fail, but we still need to keep trying. […]
There were times that I can remember that I could’ve been nicer, kinder and more compassionate. I just try to apologize where I can and release pain where I can not take it out on others.
That’s all anyone can ask, April – that we learn, and move forward with the intent to improve. 🙂
[…] month since 1000 Voices Speak for Compassion has gone live, I have written my posts with a focus on self-compassion. This month I will continue that theme and discuss how to connect with the person you are meant to […]
This is a beautiful blog and hits right to the heart of the matter. I know there have times I have not been compassionate, no matter how hard I have tried. Sometimes I simply reach the “end of the rope” and I have no more patience. Fortunately this doesn’t happen often.
Tina, thanks so much for your kind words. Compassion is hard and too often we don’t find ourselves able to find the patience to react in a way we might want to. We’re human and remembering that is important. Thanks for coming by!
[…] Speak for Compassion movement over a year ago, you know that my focus rests mainly in the idea of self-compassion. My thoughts for you this month are no different; rather than looking outside yourself for […]