FTSF – We Need More
I’m struggling this week.
I’m angry. I’m frustrated. I’ve had just about enough.
Why?
People are mean. People are inconsiderate. People are rude.
It’s true. You know it’s true. And at risk of this appearing to be a rant (it’s not), I just really needed to say that tonight. All week I’ve tried to write this post another way – any other way – but real life kept creeping into my writing and I kept coming back to this: the world needs more love.
Maybe that’s trite and childish, but I really think it’s true.
Too many times this week, I have observed people at far less than their potential best. Too many times this week I have listened to a voice filled with sadness, hurt, anger because of how someone behaved toward another. How hard is basic courtesy, really? How hard are manners? Kindness?
Apparently, for some…very.
So here’s where my head went: We can not control the actions of others. We can neither force nor expect other people to behave as we might hope. We can not understand what motivates people to behave in ways that are mean, inconsiderate, or rude.
But we can control our own actions. We can choose to act with kindness and consideration. We can choose to act with compassion, tolerance, and understanding. We can control our own reactions to the forces around us and decide to take the negativity of the world around us and turn it into something more positive before we send it spiraling back out there in the direction of other people.
Confession: I am not always good at this. I often react poorly to the unkind actions of others. I often get defensive and let my anger get the best of me. I often want to act before I have really evaluated a situation properly.
What stops me (most days) is having to talk about this with my daughter. When the world hurls hurt and insults at her, I want to fix it. I tread dangerously upon the line that all parents do where our children’s hearts are concerned, that line between voice of reason and irrational angry beast. It is not my intent to teach her to unleash the beast.
And so I have to remember to think things through, to evaluate, to find rational solutions to the most irrational situations…situations that just wouldn’t happen if everyone could just remember to act with love, with compassion, with kindness.
So I’m sticking to my original claim. What the world needs more of is love. What the world needs more of is compassion, kindness, courtesy. We need it on the school playground, in the corporate lunchroom, in the supermarket, in traffic, in our government…everywhere.
And we need to remember that it starts with one person.
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This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post, where writers and bloggers gather around the week’s prompt. This week’s is “The world really needs more…”
Your host is the superhero Kristi from Finding Ninee. Your co-hosts this week are Shelley from Slightly Off Kilter, and Anna from Fitfunner Blog.
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All I can do is stand in my chair and shout “YES! YES! YES!” whilst fist-punching the air.
PLEASE share this in 1000Speak. And on the day. And EVERYWHERE!
(also FRIST, baby!)
((okay, Sarah was right – I DO say that…))
I did. I will.
Getting an image of you standing on your chair jumping up and down.
And yeah, you do.
SO, awesome, Lisa!! Our minds were in similar places, I see. You have a way with words. Yes, yes, & yes! Love coincides with tolerance & compassion & the world DOES need more of it. I could not agree more.
I just read yours…ditto!
So true, so necessary, and so ridiculously challenging.It takes strength to hand out love and kindness in a world that bombards you with hate, but it is worth it no matter how hard it is. I just wish I was better at it.
I hear you, Lisa. I wish I could say I was better at it, too. I want to be. I try to be. I don’t always quite get there. Worth working toward, though, because every little bit matters.
Lisa, this is a wonderful rant. I used Jackie’s song in my post, too. I hope you link this up as a compassion post as well, because it is.
Thanks, Val. Isn’t that a great song? I believe I will link this at 1000Speak time, too.
Absolutely! This is so necessary!! We all need to find rational solutions to irrational situations!
Looking back at my own words, I realize that idea – rational solutions to irrational situations – is both so simple and so complicated at the same time. Kind of wonder what I was thinking!
Argh to somebody being less than wonderful to your daughter – I want to want to act as well… But yes, the world does need so much more love. Sigh. Great awesome post, Lisa (and Lizzi totally says “frist, baby!”). Thank you for sharing this with FTSF. <3
Thanks, Kristi. I know you get it and you understand how hard it is not to rise up with your first instinct, right? It just boggles my mind that if I’m trying to teach my kid how to act well – and you, and Chris, and Christine, and Sarah and everybody – then why isn’t everybody else, too??? Argh is right.
Lizzi absolutely says “frist, baby.” She also says “BOOM, baby!” But definitely the frist thing. 😀
The whole zilla thing bums me but she has wonderful supports in you….you got the whole solution. …consideration….rational action….
I know. And I hope so…I really hope we are doing all of this right. I was just talking to someone this afternoon about the whole topic of things like bullying and teaching kids to stand up for themselves without being a bully themselves, to do what’s right even when it’s hard, and to do it all with calm and kindness. Again, a fine line to walk.
Oh Lisa… I’m so sorry you have had to battle the hurtful people and situations that life presented to you this week!! You shared a beautiful and real perspective, my friend.
Oh that fine line.. I get it. Parenting often charges us to rise to the call of claiming our own principles while controlling our reactions and anger- all for the sake of our kids.
Hang in there mama.
LOVE. Kindness. Compassion. And Peace be with YOU.
Ugh, Chris, it’s just so…frustrating, you know? Yes, you do. I know you do.
We have to dance a very delicate dance on that line between rational parenting and instinctual parenting. That has to be one of the biggest challenges for me.
Peace, yes. Peace is good. <3
Yes! Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes… Love this. Sharing this.
Shelley, thanks!
Loved this. I typically avoid conflict, but when somebody is unkind to another, especially when someone hurts one of my children, the ferociousness in me boils.
So hard when our kids are involved, isn’t it? That mama bear instinct wants to come out. Not always the best course of action, though.
Thinking about how you would explain it to your child is a wonderful check, Lisa. If my child was standing right next to me now, how would I want her to see me react? For those of us who don’t have children, we can fill in that blank with the name of that special person we wouldn’t want to disappoint with bad behavior. Hope your weekend is full of kindness and love!
Thanks, Shel. Knowing my daughter is watching is often sobering. And yes, inserting the name of whomever we wouldn’t want to see us in that light is good.
Hope your weekend is, too!
As usual, this was a very interesting read Lisa.
I keep reading lately about how we don’t actually have as much control over our own actions as we think, and you are sort of confirming this when you say you don’t always manage to react with compassion, kindness etc to someone else’s unkind actions. Me too.
So do we have a choice? And do others? I think that the answer is possibly: sometimes. My feeling is that we can choose to question the beliefs and assumptions that make us behave in ways we don’t want to, and we can be willing to change – but we can’t force ourselves to change. In fact, I’d say it’s when we try to force change that it’s hardest.
So, I’m not saying that we should show our worst to our kids – I do think it’s worth doing what you do and thinking about what you want her to see. Anger is a bit of a messy emotion and so many of us (including me) struggle with it. I think if we didn’t feel the constant need to blame other people for our anger that we’d find behaviour improved immensely. (People look for reasons why they feel angry, and so we get the behaviour you mention, but we could just feel it and let it go instead.)
It’s late here so I’m not sure if this comment makes sense, hope so!
Yes, Yvonne, it makes perfect sense. I think I have to agree with your thought – sometimes we can choose to act in a particular manner. Sometimes instinct takes hold first, not reason. Are we capable of forcing change? Well, yes, perhaps, but is forced change really going to be true change? Is it going to last? I think change has to be a choice. To truly change one’s behavior, etc., there has to be a desire to change. Without that, any efforts to that effect are doomed for failure. You can make me eat a certain food, for example, but you can’t make me like it. You can make me behave a certain way (by consequence, fear, whatever), but you can’t make me desire to behave that way on my own. Only I control that. Free will…it’s a powerful and therefore frightening thing.
No, I don’t think we should show our worst to our kids, but inevitably we’re going to, don’t you think? We are not perfect nor can we claim to be. We aren’t going to hold those reactions in check 100 percent of the time. To imply to our children (or anyone else) that anger doesn’t happen is false. It’s fair for them to see it but the responsibility we have, I think, is to show them how to deal with it. When is anger warranted, when is it “righteous,” so to speak? When is it unnecessary? And how do we handle any of those circumstances. Life’s a learning process.
I love your thoughts here. I love the discussion that’s evolving on this post.
It is hard to walk that line between attacking and acceptance, especially when a loved one is involved. I sometimes think about how the opposite of love is hate, and how it’s harder to hate someone once you get to know and understand them. I agree with you: the world needs more love — fueled by acceptance and understanding.
An interesting topic, Anna – is the opposite of love really hate? This quote from Elie Wiesel always makes me think…
“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.” Is he right? Is indifference – a lack of concern or sympathy – the true opposite of these? It’s an interesting question.
I agree. It’s what I try to do and where I often fail. I’m sorry your loved ones have been feeling unkindness from others this week. But you’re right: all we can do is try to grow the kindness.
Yes, me too. I think we all do at some point. ‘
Meanwhile, you have your TToT up already! Damn! I have to finish mine…
Oh yes! Lisa this is a beaut of a post. I am rereading it with Jackie belting out her tune. And you’re right – it has to be a choice to chose to love. It can’t be forced on someone. Posts like this will get folks thinking and that will lead to change. One post at a time. Off to share.
Isn’t that such a great tune? So true. I am really kind of amazed at the reaction to this post and the discussion that has been born. Wow. And thanks.
Oh this has been in my head and my heart for days, Lisa, and I’m so grateful to read your beautiful words echoing my thoughts. Thank you for this wonderful post! A-men!!
And thank you for yours, Nicki. I’m so happy that several of us had the same thoughts!
My first time to your blog and I like. I like it very much. Your “not rant,” I LOVED.
Hi, Mimi, and welcome! I’m glad you came by and found the blog likeable – and the “not rant.” 🙂
Lisa,
This is really lovely. II loved this passage: “We can not control the actions of others. We can neither force nor expect other people to behave as we might hope. We can not understand what motivates people to behave in ways that are mean, inconsiderate, or rude.
But we can control our own actions.”
That is so true but easy to forget. Thank you!
Emily
Thank you, Emily. I suppose it’s also true that we can also learn to control our own REactions to what happens around us. That’s often the root of much trouble.
Thanks for your sweet words!
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