Growing Up
I looked around the room at the other Mommies and Daddies. Mostly, it was Mommies. Younger, older, shorter, taller, heavier, thinner, dressed for work, dressed in what had to be pajamas…they were all the same.
One by one, they dropped off children for the first day of Vacation Bible School. Some came in with the children, gave them hugs and kisses, and went on their way. Others pulled up outside and rolled away as quickly as the mini-van door slammed shut. Veterans. Still others lingered a while in the back of the room, over to one side, waiting and watching. A handful hovered just a little and did The Dance – the one where you know you should go, but you want to stay, so you almost go, but then dance back for just a minute more.
Make sure she’s OK…is she talking to anyone? Does she look happy? Is she nervous? This ain’t preschool; this is real big-kid stuff. What if she looks back to see you and you aren’t there and she gets upset? What if she’s fine but then looks back to see you and that makes her second-guess this whole thing and she chickens out? What if she doesn’t look back…?
I looked around the room again. There were very few of us left. It was just the two or three who had now had stayed just a little longer than was necessary because the kids were well into the first activity and it was time to go.
~~~~~
At pickup time, she was doing just fine. I waited at the back of the room and fought the urge to be That Mommy and wave and make a fuss. She didn’t notice that we were there to pick her up right away because she was busy doing her thing…talking to her new friends and her group leaders and trying to decide if she wanted to get into doing the hand motions to the songs or if this song and dance thing at the end of the morning was bullshit. Eventually, she saw us. Her face lit up. She smiled that fantastic smile of hers and waved…and then went right back to what she was doing.
Soon it was time to claim her and sign out for the day.
“Hey, Zilla! How was your–”
“Mamma! I just had the best day EH-VER!” she said as she jumped up and down.
“I am so glad!”
“I loved it I loved it I loved it I loved it I LOVED it! And I’m coming back tomorrow!”
~~~~~
Later, I told her I was really glad that she had a great day because I was worried about whether she would. I told her that I missed her a lot today, too.
“Mamma,” she said, smoothing my hair. “I had so much fun today I didn’t have to miss you.”
She didn’t see my tears as she turned and headed up the stairs to get ready for bed.
~~~~~
There’s an old wives’ tale that if you cry tears of happiness, they fall from the right eye and if you cry tears of sadness, they fall from the left. I’m certain that there is no truth to it. But I did happen to notice that tonight my tears came from both eyes at the same time.
Love this? Share the love and tell someone!
16 Comments
Comments are closed.
I had never thought of that type of experience from a parent’s perspective, not having kids myself. I can see from your post how hard the milestones must be.
I remember my first day of kindergarten. When I came home I bragged at how proud I was of being the only kid there who didn’t cry. That probably was a little stab to the heart of my mom, but it was such a big deal to me that I still remember it clearly.
How funny that you remember that so vividly – it’s a pretty cool memory to have. It is a little bit of a stab, perhaps, but at the same time it makes a mom want to burst at the seams and be proud that her kid was the brave one. It’s definitely a bittersweet mix, that’s for sure. These milestones are exciting and terrifying and sad all at the same time.
Reminds me of Miss D.’s first day of school. She ran into the building without a look back. I was proud and devastated at the same time.
Yeah, that’s about right. Just picked Kidzilla up at VBS a little while ago. In the car, she told me her favorite part was coming home, even though she loved everything again today. 🙂
It is so hard to let them go and learn independence. Having kids is so much harder emotionally than I ever thought it would be.
I’ll second that!
This is such an interesting perspective to me. I don’t have any kids so I don’t know what it’s like to wait and hear about their experiences after something like this. It was really touching.
It brought back memories of when I was young and my mom picked me up from trips to see how it went. I know what it’s like to be on that side. Maybe one day I’ll be on the other.
It’s a whole new ball game…interesting to finally start to understand what my own Mom experienced on this side.
Your childeren growing up is both joyfull and saddening at the same time. You are so proud of them for being independent, but sad at the same time.
So it seems…
mmmmmm….that tugged at my heart. So many of the milestones as the kids grow are bittersweet encouraging tears from both eyes at once as you say. Hugs!
Thanks, May! 🙂 Guess they call them milestones because the road is a bit bumpy sometimes.
Oh my goodness. You just made me cry. It was the last paragraph.
I only have one kid still young enough for VBS. We will be sad when she’s too old.
She had such a good time. Kind of sad that it’s only one week, but maybe that’s a good thing – can’t get old too fast that way.
First day of school does it to me every time!
And we still have that to go!