Kidzilla Speaks – A Quickie from the Kitchen
Everybody knows that kids say the darndest things. There was a TV show about it, right? Bill Cosby was the host and it was based on material from an old Art Linkletter show. You can YouTube that and get some good laughs.
Our Kidzilla, of course, comes out with a few winners every now and then. I posted about the funny things that Zilla’s actions have prompted Fab Hub and me to say here.
But fairly often Zilla blurts out a few funny lines of her own. They’re funny in the way that all kid-isms are funny, sure. But the best part is that Our Daughter has impeccable comedic timing and tosses in precision tone of voice and facial expressions to supplement her one-liners. The end result often leaves us in teary-eyed hysterics.
We have dozens of these, really. We have a fabulous story about Zilla and a discussion regarding the proper and appropriate use of the various interpretations of the word “ass” that all started with a Bible story. But that is a very long story for another day.
A few days ago, however, Our Daughter was decidedly offended that Fab Hub and I were sharing a hug in the kitchen. I really thought kids weren’t grossed out by that until puberty. Apparently, Zilla is advanced for her age. Anyway, Zilla came into the kitchen and stopped dead in her tracks.
Z: “Would you two please stop hugging?”
Fab Hub: “We’re allowed to hug.”
Z: “No, you’re not.”
Without stopping to think, I found myself saying what I had heard my Wonderful Grandfather say to any of his kids or grandkids when we caught him sneaking a kiss from my Lovely Italian Grandmother…
Me: “Um, how do you think you got here?”
The door to the Land of Opportunity for a Great Kidzilla-ism swung wide open here and Zilla obligingly walked right in…
She looked at us both with a confused expression and furrowed little eyebrows, as though we were the two most ignorant and uninformed people on the planet. Then she said,
“I walked in from the dining room when I pulled the chair in to help you cook.”
Of course.
Probably worth noting here that Zilla worships at the Altar of the Literal…right next to her Fab Dad.
Tune in next time for more of Kidzilla’s deadpan one-liners. In the meantime, what are some of your kids’ funniest utterings? Share in the comments!
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Oh my God. I spit out my drink on that one. Love that kid 🙂
Yes, as you said, the ability to make people spit out drinks comes early.
We had two boys before we had Emma. The first time I changed Emma’s diaper, four year old Ethan was there watching. He took a look when I opened the diaper, huffed in disgust and said, “So. Well. I see her privates are BROKEN.”
🙂
Fantastic! 🙂
Ya know, my girls are grossed out by hugging too, they are only 5 and 7! I don’t get it?!?!?!
My 11yr old (boy) came up with a good one a few weeks ago. he was being nosy, going through my purse and came across a maxi pad i had in there…he freaks out “OH MY GOD, I SAW MOMS BUTT PILLOW!” Ummm, okay.
Butt pillow – funny. I had a cousin who used to steal them from his mom’s bathroom, zip the strip off the back and stick them to the floor as roads for his Matchbox cars.
Yes, and let’s not forget what I did with Mom’s way back when…
I vividly recall you coming into the kitchen with one stuck in proper position, but upside down on the outside of your diaper…
Hahaha! That’s hilarious! No kid-isms here as our only dependent is a 120-pound Great Dane.
Yeah, but I bet the Great Dane is at least as entertaining as our Three Rotten Cats! I’m waiting for it to feel like fall, by the way, so I can make that Asian Beef Stew you posted!