Why Mr. Rogers And I Have No Problem With Cinderella – 1000Speak
I grew up with Mr. Rogers.
And I am not ashamed to to tell you that the gray in my hair means I watched his show back when there was no gray in his.
I loved Mr. Rogers. I loved everything about his show from his silly opening song to his cardigan sweater and sneakers to the Land of Make Believe. That was a cool place, wasn’t it? A secret kingdom somewhere behind the photo on his living room wall? A world where people learned how to treat one another with kindness, dignity and respect?
I would live there.
But why does a world like that have to be make believe? Why can’t a world like that exist? Fairy tales and make believe aren’t so terrible, if you ask me.There is much scuttlebutt and ado right now about Disney’s live-action Cinderella. If you hit the Internet, you will find a generous offering of disparate reviews, blog posts, and op-ed pieces. Commentary on the film ranges from calling it a stunning piece of visual imagery to completely misogynistic trash. I am not here to sort that out for you.
I am here to tell you that I have no problem with the message my Daughter will take from this film.
Make no mistake, it is your standard diet of fairy tale. I look at it as I would look at candy – be aware of what you are eating and accept it for what it is. Consume in moderation and you will be fine. There is plenty of room for a feisty debate about whether the film presents unrealistic expectations for our young girls and women. There is plenty of room to discus whether Ella enables the cruelty of her Stepmother and Stepsisters by refusing to stand up for herself. That would be a grand discussion and one I’d welcome – but not here and not today.
The reason why none of that is relevant here is that my six year old Daughter is not going to see this film in that way. She is not going to decide that she will meet her future husband while riding through the forest like the untamed wind. She is not going to come home wondering if the entire film is a misogynistic spin on female frailty.
She is going to remember what I remember. She is going to remember what we heard several times throughout the film: “Have courage and be kind.”
Ella could have fought back when her Stepmother and Stepsisters bullied and abused her. She could have been just as mean and spiteful. She chose a different path. Could we view Ella as weak? Could we say she allows their mistreatment by not speaking out? Perhaps. But again, that is a conversation for a different day.
For now, if my Daughter takes away the idea that the way to fight cruelty and bullying is to have courage and be kind, I’m OK with that.
Before her death, Ella’s mother tells her, “Where there is kindness, there is goodness. And where there is goodness, there is magic.” I believe that kind of magic is possible. Mr. Rogers believed that the key to success in life was to be kind. He taught us all that a land where kindness reigns might just be more than Make Believe; it might even be possible.
I believe there is great power in kindness. Believe with me.
This month, 1000 Voices Speak for Compassion continues to work toward a better world with a particular focus on Building from Bullying, as well as the broader topic of compassion.
We will host our second link-up on March 20th – which also happens to be the United Nations International Day of Happiness and Fred Rogers’ birthday. What a fine juxtaposition of events!
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Wonderful connection! I, too, loved (love) Mr. Rogers back when his hair was all brown. I loved every bit of it. Just recently, it occurred to me that Maggie would too, and I started showing her episodes on YouTube. She loves it. He’s so softspoken and slow-moving; it’s perfect for her even if the episodes are dated in many ways.
Is Cinderella appropriate for our daughters? I really know almost nothing about it, but I was afraid it was geared to older kids and might have scary parts. I think I might like to take Maggie, if not.
Thanks, Sarah. Oh, Mr. Rogers is great for Maggie! He may be sort of outdated, but I think a lot of what he was about is universal and timeless. And yes, he is very soothing and softspoken.
We went on the recommendation of someone we know from church/school who saw it with her daughter. We did not think it was too much – nothing scary, in our opinion. Zilla loved it. I think older kids might get different things from it, but it was completely fine with us.
I think I see another mama/daughter date in our future!!!
🙂
You said this perfectly Lisa and god how I couldn’t agree more about being kind. That is exactly what I believe my almost 6 year and 4 year old, thought as well after seeing Cinderella this past weekend, too! 😉
Janine, I had to laugh a bit when I saw your post in my feed and then clicked over. Great minds, right? I just love that we had similar thoughts on this one. Kind of makes you think “OK, so I’m not crazy” because there is so much negative press about this film. I think with an older audience there is probably much we could dig into, and that’s fair. Older girls probably should be thinking a bit differently about it. But that’s not what our little girls are taking with them. And you know what? Young or old, the message to be kind is always appropriate.
I agree! When I read or watched these tales, I was too young and immature to analyze all that! I just saw it, enjoyed it and moved on! While growing up, my inspiration wasn’t Cinderella; it was real, live strong women like my grandmother and mom!
Absolutely, Roshni! My Mom and my Grandmother are absolutely my top two! I’m blessed to have very strong women to model.
I believe in reading broadly, just as I believe in eating a wide variety of food. Kale is healthy, but we need more than that on our plate and who can deny the sheer pleasure of a warm slice of huckleberry-apple pie on a cool fall day? Like you say, moderation. Last week, I was having a rough day. I was also reading a serious book. And I couldn’t take it! So I switched over to an adult fairy tale (Robert Jordan) and I relaxed. I needed a break. I can’t imagine a world without fairy tales and happy-ever-after endings and kind, gentle men like Mister Rogers. Great post!
Hi, Charli! You strike a great comparison. Life’s about balance. What you said about your book choice is probably why I always have multiple books going at the same time – they fit different moods, different needs.
I loved Cinderella as a child, Mr. Rogers as a young parent (and human being). This was so well written. I admit I have doubts about Cinderella as a victim, but your are so right. The message is about kindness and goodness winning out over evil and meanness. Besides, Lady Rose from Downton Abbey makes a wonderful Ella.
Mr. Rogers was a kind and gentle soul. I wish more programming directed at children was as innocent and good as his was. That’s one of the things my Husband liked about the Cinderella movie. It was fairly bright – a welcome reprieve from how dark American cinema has become overall.
I really want to see the movie. Funny thing is, my daughter has never been into the whole princess thing. I’m more worried right now about how good of a role model Katniss Everdeen is. But the same underlying theme remains the same good triumphing over evil, standing up for what’s kind and decent. I love how you’ve woven some Fred Rogers in here – I can’t tell you how much I loved him as a child, and how grateful I am for the ways he shaped me and my generation.
I’m going to out myself here and admit that I have no opinion to offer on Katniss – I have not read the series and despite all the interest out there, I just can’t find a way to be interested enough to pick it up. It’s just not my genre or subject matter of choice. I know…I live under a rock. If my daughter were old enough for it to be of potential interest to her, I’d be all over it. But that does not reach the lunch table conversation of the first grade.
There is much to be said for an afternoon movie all by yourself – even if your daughter’s not into it, go check it out! She’s a great kid, though, so maybe she’ll want to go just so the two of you can enjoy doing something together. And there’s always DVD release. Remember when things used to take FOREVER to come out on home video?
Fred Rogers is awesome. Wouldn’t it be great if there were more shows like his today? I kind of wonder how he’d hold up against the current offerings.
Have courage and be kind. I’d like that to be a message my daughters take from such films too.
I love this post – and I think as adults we can forget how movies play on different levels to different ages and audiences. I love your perspective on this.
And Mr. Roger’s birthday also being on the 20th is a fine addition to the confluence of lovely events that day!
Thanks, Louise! That’s exactly it – there are different levels of film and literature, etc. I can look at the Disney films that I grew up watching and find everything I think is ridiculous about them and certainly there are ridiculous points to be found. But none of those things entered my mind as a child. I did not become an adult who expected my prince to show up in the middle of the forest on a white horse and fall instantly in love. I did not believe my Fairy Godmother was going to solve my social and fashion issues with a wave of her want. I met my Husband at work and resisted dating him for months. And if Fairy Godmothers could do those things, I’d have driven a cooler car and been a much snappier dresser!
I love that the 20th is Mr. Rogers’ birthday! I think he would approve.
Interesting takeaway on the film, Lisa. I haven’t seen it and my teenagers have no interest, but you make a really valid point. Unfortunately, my kids would take away some of the messages that I wouldn’t want them to receive. But that’s true for many movies, and discussing it with them helps counteract the media influence.
Btw, Mr. Rogers gave the commencement address at my sister’s college the year before she started there. I made fun of it at the time, but now I think it would have been so cool to hear him speak. I wonder if he wore his sweater?
Dana, I think I’d still take my daughter as a teen and use the opportunity to discuss with her. The only way the media can truly influence our kids with messages we don’t want is we allow the opportunity. We read so much about how kids and young adults don’t know how to separate fantasy from reality, but how are they supposed to learn if we don’t teach them. We can’t shelter them forever – I’ve watched people do that and it doesn’t work. Open dialogue, discussion, etc. is key to teaching them how to handle the input they’ll get from the outside world. And I would far rather teach my child how to digest what the media throws than have someone else do it, you know?
I think hearing Mr. Rogers speak would have been pretty cool. I hope he did wear his sweater. 🙂
Have to admit, kind of refreshing to hear someone not deliberately looking for a reason to rip shit apart, you know? The message you and your daughter left with is IT. The most important message to receive, and that’s awesome. Great post, Lisa. xo
Thank you, Beth. Seriously, I get really irritated when the Internet goes crazy with reasons to make every single thing the next thing that’s going to ruin us. There was so much bad press already by Friday afternoon, we said to someone we knew who was going – just tell us what YOU think. That was good enough for us and we had a great time.
Love this!!! Reading it made me want to see the movie now. Love the way you connected the dots. Beautiful, Lisa.
Thanks, Jackie. It’s a nice film and we all enjoyed it.
I love Fred Rogers! Loved him as a kid. Loved him as a mom. My eldest adored him. Greatest thing…our last name is Naeger..which rhymes with neighbor…as in won’t you be my ________! Every time he sang that she sat spellbound wondering how he knew (and I suspect wondering about all the poor children who did not get to have Mr. Rogers sing a personalized song expressly for them)!
Your post is so perfect. Well said. I promise to keep on believing in kindness right along with you.
May, that is so cool! How great to have Mr. Rogers sing a very personalized song to your family.
Thank you for believing in kindness with us…sometimes fairy tales and dreams do come true in the real world!